To: My Friends

Issue: Special Relationships and Fairness

"Fred is my best employee! Just because we're dating doesn't mean that I give him special consideration. If the people who grouse about the way I treat him performed as well, I'd treat them the same."

Is Fred receiving special consideration? If so, does the fact that he and Francine are dating have anything to do with the way she treats her direct report? Do the other people who report to her have a fair chance?

Favoritism reflects a special relationship. Favoritism, according to Webster, is "the showing of more kindness and indulgence to some person or persons than to others." Nepotism, a form of favoritism, is about people being hired or promoted based more on an influential relationship than on what they can do. Family, significant others, and bosom friends are typically seen as having special influence. The new executive hires his/her team from another job. Junior is promoted to vice president when others are better qualified. Why is this a problem? Who likes to be treated as a second class citizen - especially when advancing to a favored state is usually unattainable? Some people are categorically denied equal opportunity. That is a demotivator, and toxic to teamwork!

To prevent the perception of favoritism, people in such relationships should not have a reporting relationship to each other, and should not be involved in any personnel decisions that affect the other.

I recommend avoiding situations with the potential for favoritism. The costs to morale and performance of people who feel less well favored are just too great. Hiring family members, significant others, or bosom pals has the potential for being viewed as nepotism. Some such people are very competent and make good employees. It may not seem fair to exclude them from consideration just because they have a significant relationship with an employee. However, to avoid the perception of nepotism, any employee related to an applicant should be excluded from the hiring decision. If the applicant is chosen by a selection panel excluding the employee, the applicant and the employee will have much higher credibility.

How about family businesses? They present a special challenge. In many, family considerations outweigh business considerations. Non-family members joining a family business hopefully understand and accept that they are going to be outsiders. So long as they are working with people they respect, and feel that they are treated fairly, they may be able to live with knowing that they probably will never be part of the inner circle.

People in the workplace may spend more time working with each other than they spend with anyone else. In such a setting it is not surprising that dating and romances occur. Once there is a dating relationship neither person should be involved in any personnel decisions affecting the other.

Fairness is a deeply ingrained value in American culture. Special relationships, such as favoritism and nepotism are seen as enemies of fairness. They are like termites that gnaw away at one's sense of fairness, and undermine trust and respect. The best strategy is to try to prevent situations conducive to favoritism. When that does not work, timely and fair action to correct them is essential.

Sincerely,

Ian Jacobsen, FIMC
Certified Management Consultant